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11.07.2012

A Bit About Blogging [Subversively]

The other day I found myself thinking about blogging. Of the blogs I choose to read, I realized that there some blogs that make me feel good and others that make me feel guilty. These are all good blogs, talking about good things. But the more I read the latter kind of blogs, the more I start to feel down here while the blogger is up there, telling me how to do this thing that I am not very good at doing. I want to be good at it, so I keep reading. And the more I read, the more defeated I feel. "If only I could... be better."

Then there are the other blogs that I read and, no matter what the subject matter, when I get done reading I feel like I want to sit down and have a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, with the blogger. The pictures and the words are like a breath of fresh air. I want more of it. I want relationship. The blog is a reflection of the author, and the author is someone I'd like to breathe in. "If only I could... sit awhile with this person."

That kind of blog is the kind of blog I hope I have been writing. It's also the kind of life I hope I have been living. That when people see me, I hope they see a reflection of the Author of the universe and say "if only I could... know the Author." I want to be the one to tell them... they can!

As I read the blog that got me thinking about this, as I breathed in its fresh air, it got me thinking about my own process of blogging and why I blog. I had already written a quick synopsis on the page called Why I Blog. Still I asked myself again, "Why am I blogging? If it's a journal, why is it public? What do I hope to get out of it?" I think those are good questions to have ever before me.

Initially, I thought that blogging might be a good creative outlet, a way to get my story and my thoughts out of my head. It's difficult having them trapped up in there, you know, bumping into each other. I need to set them free to fly, then see where they land.

I have been following Donald Miller's blog ever since I read his book, Blue Like Jazz. Lately, through various posts, he has put the idea in my head that I have a story, even a story worth telling. In fact, we all do. He's reminded me that my story is worthwhile simply because it is part of God's story.

Sometimes I like to imagine myself a writer. That's why I picked up Anne Lamott's book, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. In it she writes, almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere. And so, this blog is my somewhere.

I'm blogging as an act of worship, to glorify God. After all, my story is really His. That is why it is so important for me to be authentic as I write. I don't mind writing both the good and the bad of my story. Ultimately, since it's God's story, it's a story of redemption. The bad parts help me appreciate the good parts.

That reminds me of something else Anne Lamott said about writing:
“If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act—truth is always subversive.”
Truth is always subversive. It overthrows the reigning lies whispered by my Condemner into my ear.

When I was going through my darkest moments I felt desperately alone. No one really knew the depth of my pain because I just didn't think it was very appropriate to burden anyone with it. Especially since I was new in town. And I was new in town a lot.

As I went to counselling, and as I told my story to a guarded few, I found out that I am not the only one to have experienced the pain I've felt. Details may differ, but the feelings and emotions are similar. There is power in knowing that someone else can understand. At least, that's what I think, what I've experienced. The truth is subversive.

That's why I've decided to make this blog-journal public. If anyone should find themselves here, reading my words and recognize in a part of my story, a part of themselves... if anyone should find relief in having company... that makes my heart happy.

I love it when someone dares to comment on a post: It feels like community to me. Any comment is a treat, of course, because it means someone took the time to let me know they were visiting me. I have to admit, there are a couple comments that I have read over and over again. They inspire me and encourage me.

As my thoughts are set free to fly, as they land here on this blog, I am finding out something valuable. I may have purposed to write out my thoughts and my story, but have also been reminded that I am not alone. I am finding a subversive, authentic community here. However small it may be, it is refreshing to me.

A breath of fresh air. That is why I'm blogging, why it's public and what I am finding that I am getting out of it. I hope others do too.


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